Never Been So Unsure Before

I’m writing this a month before my end semester exams. I have never been so unsure of myself before. Pretty close to the breaking point with respect to my motivation to do any of this anymore… My grades so far for the semester are absolute shit and falling still, I’ve taken on too many responsibilities that I’m not sure I can fulfil but am too far deep in to back out of, and it’s just a little too much. I talked to the counsellor available on campus for help, and that made me feel better but that didn’t last long. Can’t stop thinking what if science isn’t for me? Should’ve just become a musician. It hurts to think that. I know I am capable but I don’t know where my motivation is. I just don’t fucking study… why not? I don’t know. I don’t know how I will ever explain falling grades to my parents. How on earth can I justify this? I guess writing this is a waste of time too. I look at all these people around me, people on the internet, blogs and vlogs I follow. Productive people. These are the people that will get somewhere. Not me… I don’t know.

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